Payday is upon me! Already, I have paid money on my bills for my car note, car insurance, and cell phone. For $26, I have purchased 2 shirts from C28, purchased 3 CDs and a book from Amazon for $33 (Rush of Fools’ self titled one, Starfield’s “I Will Go”, Shawn McDonald’s “Roots”, and Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “Scarlet Letter”), and have money set aside for groceries, a conference I’m attending next week, my car emissions / inspection, my website bill, baking supplies (in case I want to purchase a cake pan; I do need one to make a sheet cake for a friend’s birthday this weekend), and gas. I have about half a tank so I am going to wait until that gets closer to E before I put more $ in it. It’s all mental. I feel like I am ‘conserving’ money and gas if I wait… again, lol, it’s all mental.
I have been listening to this song by Waterdeep since yesterday, “You Are With Me”. While the music is very moody, the lyrics are very true and simple:[audio:WithMe.mp3]
Tomorrow seems like a long ways away
But it will come
Just like any other day
There You will be standing at the gates
Standing at the gate ready to welcome me in
Deep inside where the wounded creatures hide I am afraid
Maybe I got lost somewhere along the way
Somehow… please rescue me
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
Fear no evil
For You are with me
I feel like I forget that alot… One of the adlibs, he says, “Though I’m angry, tired, broken down, or confused, you are with me… Though I sin like I’ve never sinned before, lose myself, run out an open door, You are with me.” God, in all His omnis… He is omnipresent – everywhere. No matter how dark, no matter how bright, no matter how alone, no matter how crowded, He is with me. Like David says in Psalm 139:
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
As comforting as it is, sometimes it’s scary! He knows my innermost thoughts…
The LORD–knows the thoughts of man, that they are but a breath.
But Jesus, knowing their thoughts…
But he knew their thoughts…
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
The struggles that are internal, the struggles that are embarassing and shameful – God sees these. And honestly, I struggle a lot mentally with various things… so while it is a comfort that God sees these (and praise Him that I do not just accept these thoughts, but I DO struggle against them), and it IS scary, it’s also humbling that He sees them and isn’t persuaded to stop loving me or caring for me in light of what He has seen…
You are with me.