I haven’t truly blogged in a few days and thoughts are all over the place, hence the title. I also borrowed it from one of Brother Shai’s songs. A lot has been going on within me, around me, and near me lately. This is my attempt to organize it all. I won’t try to make sense of it because honestly, that will lead to more confusion.
A lot’s been going on family wise. My uncle passed a couple of weeks ago. My grandmother’s pretty ill. She’s been ill off and on, but this time it’s much worse. She’s 3 years away from being 90, so her life’s been lived well. I don’t know if this is God’s appointed time to take her, but I am praying for her. With the loss of her oldest son a couple of weeks ago, I can’t help but to think that it has some bearing on her health. She was doing better before then, but it seems her health took a turn for the worst a couple of days after his death. Things between one of my brothers and I are strained at the moment. I have done all that is in my power to strive for peace even though the current situation is not the result of anything I’ve done… I’ve prayed about all of the above and have done what I can, so I pray God will comfort and give peace, open and soften hearts, and continue to shine His perfect light.
I am in a place where I have bills due, but no money to pay them. I’ve been searching for jobs, but it seems to be like looking for a needle in a haystack. I’ve applied with various places in various cities for various positions, but no callbacks. This has never happened to me before. I’d gotten so used to paying my car note, my car insurance, my cell phone bill, putting gas in my car, paying my website bill, etc… and it was just a part of everyday life. Now that I can’t really do any of the above, it’s a scary place to be. I truly don’t know how my bills will get paid, but I’m not panicking. That’s right – Jenn is not panicking. Those who know me know that I have, at times, been quick to ‘freak out’. But right now, I’m relaxed. The only thing that I’m really anywhere close to being upset about is the move to Philly. I’d gotten accepted to my chosen school and found a place to stay. Now, with bills due that can’t be paid, it seems like a pipe dream. However, for all I know, God could still work it out to where my bills will be paid and the August move will be happening. He’s known to do things like that.
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! “For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?”
Romans 11:33-34 ESV
I’m still praying and having faith that He will work everything out so that I can atleast pay my bills and such. Regardless of what’s going on, His character never changes. He’s still good; His ways are still perfect. The fact that I am not losing my mind over all of this is amazing to me. Purely His grace. I just trust Him to do something soon so that I don’t end up losing my car or having a gap in insurance or getting my phone cut off.
I am in the process of poring over the epistles of John followed by Jude and then the Gospel of John. I’m trying to read 2 chapters a day atleast. It’s taken me hours to just go through the 1st and 2nd chapters of 1 John. It’s a lot in that little book. 5 chapters of meat; like a can of sardines – just packed in! What sparked my decision to study 1 John in particular was the series of sermons on Biblical assurance by Paul Washer. While studying tonight, one of the things that stood out to me was the way that John refers to the group of believers that he’s speaking to. He refers to them as children, young men, and fathers. These are all different stages of development in the human life, but he uses these to acknowledge the stages of spiritual maturity. He reminds the children that they are forgiven and the how and why. The young men are strong because they are no longer children, so they have a good grasp on the Truth, and because of this, they can stand against and overcome the deceptive wiles of the devil. The fathers know THE Father. They have a deep and intimate knowledge of Him. I really love how John wrote that. There was a lot more that really blessed me, but I’ll have to blog about that when I finish 1 John so that it can all come together.
Fitness to the Glory of God
I’ve been working out 6 days a week – cardio 5x, stability ball exercises 3x, and pilates 2x. I think I’m actually going to up the cardio to doing it all 6 days and the core exercises 4 days. I’ve been doing well in this though. It’s becoming a priority to me to workout. Now if only I can get myself to get enough rest every night, I’ll be good to go. I haven’t had any fast food, soda, or fried foods lately. I did eat 2 apple turnovers and some chips on Sunday. It was my cheat day, but I feel like I cheated too much. I was worrying myself thinking I ate too many calories. Monday is a cardio only day so instead of the 25 – 35 minutes on the treadmill, I’m trying to go for 40. It really helps to listen to music while I’m on it. Right now, my Slvr is loaded with 116 Clique, Shai Linne, B. Morr, Timothy Brindle, Cross Movement, Everyday Process, Thi’sl, Flame, and others. Thanks, guys, for helping me get it together, haha.
Hm, I guess that wasn’t as much as I thought it’d be…
Grace and Peace.