Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted

Stricken, smitten, and afflicted,
See him dying on the tree!
‘Tis the Christ by man rejected;
Yes, my soul, ’tis he, ’tis he.
‘Tis the long-expected Prophet,
David’s Son, yet David’s Lord;
By his Son God now has spoken:
‘Tis the true and faithful Word.

Tell me, ye who hear him groaning,
Was there ever grief like his?
Friends through fear his cause disowning,
Foes insulting his distress;
Many hands were raised to wound him,
None would interpose to save;
But the deepest stroke that pierced him
Was the stroke that Justice gave.

Ye who think of sin but lightly
Nor suppose the evil great
Here may view its nature rightly,
Here its guilt may estimate.
Mark the Sacrifice appointed,
See who bears the awful load;
‘Tis the Word, the Lord’s Anointed,
Son of Man and Son of God.

Here we have a firm foundation,
Here the refuge of the lost;
Christ’s the Rock of our salvation,
His the name of which we boast.
Lamb of God, for sinners wounded,
Sacrifice to cancel guilt!
None shall ever be confounded
Who on him their hope have built.

Practical Suggestions for Personal Bible Study

I was reading older entries from my sis Tiffany’s blog, and came across something that I believe will be extremely helpful to me, and since I feel that way about its value for myself, I am sure that it will prove valuable for others.

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1. Acknowledge any hard-hearted attitudes toward the Word of God. Confess them as sin before a holy God. Ask God’s forgiveness for not holding His Word in the high regard that He does. Ask Him to give you a clean heart and a willing spirit. Psalm 51 can serve as your guide.

2. Commit to spiritual growth as a way of life (1 Peter 2:1-3). Make a decision of your will to be different this time next year, asking the Lord to help you each step of the way. Record your decision in your journal. Share your decision with a peer who’s also committed to spiritual growth, and tell a mature sister (or brother) who can support you.

3. Expect opposition from your own flesh, from the devil, from friends and family members who aren’t growing. Ask the Lord to empower you by His Holy Spirit to overcome the opposition (Zechariah 4:6).

4. Be patient. Nothing of lasting value accrues overnight.

5. Slow down your life. Meditation and understanding take time.

6. Remove distractions. Turn off the radio and TV to help you concentrate on what you’re reading in the Bible. Silence, solitude, serenity, and simplicity create an environment where we can hear clearly from God through His Word and by His Spirit. If your heart motivation is right, God can also use a period of fasting to start you on the right track. Ask a spiritually mature sister (or brother) to help you with this.

7. Pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to open the eyes of your heart (Ephesians 1:18) each time you read God’s Word. Ask your Father to give you a heart to obey what His Spirit illumines.

8. Invest in a good study Bible and concordance. Search the Internet for free stuff: reading plans, a biblical encyclopedia, commentaries, other translations, etc. The library will have some resources you can use–and best of all, they’re free!

9. Build transparent, grace-filled friendships with other women (or men) who also want to study and obey God’s Word. Ask them to keep you accountable, and give them a helping hand, too.

10. God’s Word empowered by His Spirit will cultivate a heart that responds to the Father’s discipline in the right way, even though it hurts (Hebrews 12:1-13; Proverbs 10:17). Ask the Lord to give you that kind of heart.

Needed: Grace and more grace

As I write this, my throat hurts, my eyes hurt, and I have the sniffles. It’s rainy out so I can’t imagine that will make me feel any better. I’m supposed to get my hair cut today and I need to wash, but I don’t know. The way I feel right now, I just want to lay in bed, get under the quilt my grandmother made me, and go to sleep for some hours.

Lately I have been noticing that I am a retreater. What do I mean by that ? Well, I have realized that many times, rather than push through hard times, I would rather go back to what I know. I cannot count the times where I have felt as though I just want to go back to Dallas. Being here, I am forced to get out of my comfort zone. The shy, loner, quiet, kept to herself Jenn can no longer be that. The Jenn that is not used to having so many sisters around can no longer be used to that. Since I have been here, I have been forcing myself to be around large groups of people, trying to be super social, but it’s so hard. It’s something I have never had to do. Whenever I have had to be around a lot of people in the past, I’ve always been friendly, but I have never been the type to just feel 100% comfortable and just initiate conversation after conversation. To many, it may sound extremely ridiculous, but I am really struggling in that aspect. I know the Body of Christ is just that – a Body. I know that the different parts have to work together so that the Body can work. Sometimes I am driven to tears because I am not what I want to be. I wish I were that social butterfly who talked to everyone without being prompted, but in my 26 years of life, I never have been. As I said earlier, I know to some, it may sound absurd and not even that big of a deal, but I am tired of having such a hard time in that area. I pray that I am not seen as antisocial because that’s not the case.

Gosh, it’s so painful for me at this point in my life. So many things that need to be worked on, and I feel absolutely helpless. I turn them over to God and wait on Him to do what He does, and in the meanwhile, I’m feeling somewhat low. Being here has been a mirror… Maybe all of this time, the mirror I have been looking in has been a funhouse mirror of sorts, and being in Philadelphia, it seems the mirror is one of the ones that has the inset that allows you to magnify things so you can REALLY see them. I look forward to when it feels a little better. At the time, my main confidante is the Lord Jesus. I cry and whimper and plead to the Father on behalf of His Son, in hopes that He will give me strength and that things will soon be better. I know He is faithful and that He loves me and is doing what’s best concerning me and His glory… so I just pray and wait knowing He’s good and kind and that He will deliver me.

God has been faithful, He will be again…

It is August 1st and a lot has changed since my last blog entry. I am now living in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. After much prayer, fasting, and counsel from 5 brothers and sisters in the Faith, I made the decision. I was blessed with a 1 way ticket to Philly for the day of July 21st. My plane left Dallas around 9a and landed in Philly a few hours later. I am fortunate to be here although it is not as easy a transition as I thought it’d be. I am not complaining (atleast NOW I’m not); it’s just slightly difficult. I came with 2 suitcases and a duffle bag… clothes, personal items, CDs, books, study materials (paper, pens, highlighters, etc.), and a few other things. My car is still in Dallas, along with the majority of my things. I’d like to fly back soon, load up my car with my computer, books, clothes, shoes, and such, and take the 24 hour drive to Philly. I have 2 brothers in Christ that volunteered to fly down to Dallas from Baltimore and drive my car back. That’s a blessing. I pray that they are able to do it. I definitely need my car here. SEPTA is cool and all, but there are some areas in which I do not feel comfortable walking by myself. So… I’m really praying that they will be able to do it because I don’t have the $700 to do that right now. So, yea… a sis is definitely praying about that, that it may all come together by His grace.

Since I have been here, I’ve been through a lot of self examination – motives, thoughts, actions, words, deeds, you name it. I’ve been convicted of habits and thought patterns daily. I have seen myself in this mirror of sorts and the reflection is quite ugly. I have so many things that need to be worked on that I never thought were there. Areas that I thought were strong are actually pretty feeble. My passion is not as strong as I thought it to be, along with various other things. Self examination is PAINFUL, yet sweet. For the first time in my life, my pastor knows who I am. I am at a church where I am excited to serve… literally can’t wait! I miss Dallas SO much… I miss my family, but this whole move and process is definitely maturing me as a believer in Christ Jesus and as a person.

I’m surrounded by Godly sisters such as Jenny, Tiff, and Jalaylia… Godly brothers such as Mac, Shai, and Jordan. It’s a blessing. In the week that I have been here, I have received sound advice from them all, whether by their word or by their action.

I am just really thankful to be here. I miss my family like crazy. I don’t have all of my things. I don’t have my car. I am in a new city and am learning my way around very slowly. I am learning much about myself. I am very far away from home… yet in all of these things, by the grace of God, I am determined to push through… and as I sit here with Sara Groves’ beautiful song, “He’s Always Been Faithful”, on repeat, I desire to just place everything in Him… This is most definitely a time when I lean on my Dad and trust Him through it all. He is the source of my encouragement and joy and is most definitely sovereign. I pray that He will help me remember and meditate on the Truths that I know about Him as I push through this time in my life.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
Iin serving God only and trusting His hand…

When it comes to the Father, man, I am SO needy… like a little kid. I need Abba to make everything right according to His Will. As I said earlier, this whole time has been bittersweet, but I believe that I am right where He wants me… physical location and in this state of dependence. The Scripture rings true!

… for apart from me you can do nothing
John 15:5 ESV

I pray that He will help me learn the city, provide a way for me to have my car and computer and the rest of my things, and that He would give me a CONTINUALLY willing heart and mind to serve as much as possible at my new church home – Epiphany.

Philly is most definitely a mission field. The need for a church plant like Epiphany is great. I plan to get involved with the street evangelism team so that I can, like Everyday Process urges, make it my business to give them the Gospel.

Grace and peace.

P.S. Would you labor with Epiphany in prayer ? Check out the August prayer committment and requests here.